Thoughts about my dad...

Growing up, the love I had for my dad used to be full of ambivalence. He had a way of controlling our family - mom, my brother and I were victims under his dictatorial ways. He was a disciplined man with absurd stringent rules. I was seldom allowed to go play with the village kids, even if I had completed all my tasks (e.g., homework, chores). Thus, my brother and I would occasionally sneak out and run down to the rice paddies and corn fields to steal from the farmers. Subsequently, we'd go home to a severe beating from Dad - one that essentially turned into something of a spectacle where our neighbors would gather round to watch in nonchalance. Damn them... Sometimes he would beat us so hard, we couldn't walk straight for a couple of days. Of course, I always received the worse end of the punishment just for being older.

I grew up with the ideology that honor meant everything to our family. My dad is a learned man and takes pride in that - too much, in fact. It goes without saying that he is also full of himself, but he is my dad after all. I have no choice but to love him no matter how much his ostentatiousness bugs the crap out of me. Both my parents instilled a lot of traditional values in me: obedience, respect, integrity, etc. (if you've seen the Disney movie Mulan, it's a good example of what embodies traditional Asian family values). About six years ago, my parents divorced. I had never felt so ashamed... To me, divorce is undeniably the most disreputable thing that could happen to a Vietnamese Catholic family. Needless to say, experiencing the divorce of my parents was anything but sweet at the age of sixteen.

My dad is living alone currently. He gets lonesome but is comforted at the fact that I'm still his "pride and joy." It makes me cringe every time he writes me those cheesy letters and emails...in English. Why doesn't he write in Vietnamese? I can read just fine. What's even worse is my dad will always end our phone conversations with an "I love you, sweetie." I swear he's more Americanized than I am!

My dad has always been supportive of me - from childhood till now. I remember the day I announced to my family that I would become a nun when I grow up right after the day of my first communion. Mom was indifferent, but Dad seemed supportive. Then puberty struck me, and I had a change of heart. It was during this time that I developed a fascination for surgery. Thus, I decided that my true calling would be to help people by cutting them open. So I made the announcement to my parents that I would become a surgeon. Again, Dad was encouraging and became quite influential in my medical interests.

I can't remember the last time I was home to celebrate Father's day with my dad. I've been so caught up in my own hectic life that I'm unconsciously removing myself from familial ties. I realize I have been selfish and not as doting a daughter as I want to be. My dad often tells me how much he misses my brother and I. It saddens me to know that my dad is all alone and I can't be there with him...

These days, the love I have for my dad is no longer ambivalent. I've learned that despite his shortcomings, my dad never once failed to give me his love and support. As I got older, my dad told me stories about the war and how he was sent to the Communist concentration camp for 8 years, which essentially led me to understand the nature of his military-like disposition...

I've come to learn that a father's discipline can be both tough and tender. Needless to say, I am grateful for everything my dad has ever taught and given me. What he taught me is worth more than a thousand teachers combined; what he gave me is the greatest gift a daughter could have - a father's love.

I’ve always been fascinated with the human body for as long as I can remember. So today, in my endeavor to distract myself from my studies, I started pondering about the anatomy of the male species. I consider myself a pragmatist; thus, practicality is very important to me. When I was thinking about the use of men’s nipples, I couldn’t come up with anything practical. It’s not like their mammary glands are used to produce milk to nourish babies…so what is the purpose then? This is similar to eyebrows… I really don’t see its function except maybe for the fact that it prevents us from looking incredibly repulsive. In a way, that works as an aesthetics function. Men, on the other hand, can be nippleless and that wouldn’t really change their appearance much...unless if they're really into their nipples. Why I wouldn't know...but it's a little disturbing I might add. Hmm, I think I will do a survey on this…